Look Shawty A Ghost sketch
Look Shawty A ghost was an all black sketch show based on Halloween and real spooky spooky things. Produced by the great SaVaughn McClaine. I wrote three sketches! Here they are!
The Rap Appreciation Club for Whites
TYLER - black
ADAM - in white face
The White Chorus - all in white face
TYLER
Alright, bro. I’ll see you tomorrow at school!
ADAM
Alright, see ya too bro!
TYLER and ADAM dap up and
TYLER exits.
ADAM
Ok, the close is clear.
Cult like music enters the room as
more white faces enter with robes.
they hand ADAM a robe as he puts
it on.
ADAM(cont.)
Finally we can commence the meeting of our Rap appreciation Club for white people! Or RACFWP! Brother BRADY, play some heat for us.
My Nigga by YG plays on pill as
the rest start singing and dancing
in the corniest way. It is
definitely choreographed. As the
second chorus enters, so does
TYLER with the majority of dancers
probably twerking. All except ADAM
see TYLER and immediately shut the
music off with ADAM still dancing
and singing.
ADAM
Guys we need to stay in formation-- Hey Tyler… uh… How’s it hangin’?
Beat
Beat
Beat
TYLER
Oh I just left my backpack… it’s over there.
ADAM
Yeah! I got it… here you go!................ My……..dude!
ADAM leaves his hand for a dap up
TYLER looks at it and leaves.
Beat
Beat
Beat
ADAM
He didn’t hear anything. We’re aight. Right?
The others hesitantly agree.
Blackout.
The Blackness Monster
BLACULA - BLACK DRACULA
BLIGOR - BLACK IGOR
BLACKENSTEIN - BLACK FRANKENSTEIN
BLACKSHE - BLACK BANSHEE
The scene starts with some organ
music with BLACULA entering
violently and IGOR walking in.
BLACULA
Ahh! Agony! Pain! Cringe! Bleh!
Enter BLACKSHE, and BLACKENSTEIN
BLACKSHE
What’s the matter, Blacula?
BLACULA
Blackenstein, Blackshe, I have read something truly haunted…. FAN MAIL from humans! BlIGOR! read me the fan letters!
BLIGOR
Yes, master.
BLACULA
Ok, cut the music. Bligor, we talked about this. I don’t like it when you call me master. Let’s just keep that word in the past, huh?
BLIGOR
Sorry, bad habit….. Ma-.. man… Ahem… Dear Blacula… you’re so cool. I’m just a stupid creep loser human. I want to be a vampire! I’ve always connected with you and your people, so I already feel like I identify anyway. I just want to be scary and dangerous when I walk the streets at night. I want to be Blacula! Please turn me, Blackula. Sincerely, Robert P.
BLACULA
He wants to be black-ula… bleh!
BLANSHE
Yikes…
BLACULA
He does not understand… YES it’s cool to be blacula.. But sometimes it also sucks tangy blood. We lived through Tulsa-Vania, 1921. (To the audience) Google that, it was bad.
BLIGOR
There’s more.. Ahem.. We know it was hard being hated, but It’s 2022. We’re all cool now. I’m one of the good ones. Signed Jared L.
BlACKENSTEIN
(Sarcastic) Yay! Blackenstein loves the good ones.
BLANSHE
I don’t know. Maybe make him one of us to show him our side?
BLACULA
He cannot be Blacula. He would crack too easy. He’d be Crackula.
BLANSHE
And Crackula is not invited in our community. We lived through the 90’s(To the audience) Google it, it was bad.
BLIGOR
I have more letters. These are for Blanshee and Blankenstein.
BLANSHEE
I got fans too!
BLACKENSTEIN
(Sarcastic) Frankenstein can’t wait.
BLIGOR
Dear Banshee, slaaaaaay queeen. I love your voice, you’re so loud and wild! I know that the whole world hates you, but if I were you, I wouldn’t be silenced. I’d call the police or something. #hear me roar. Wish I was you. You dat bitch, Miley C.
BLACULA
wooh…
Beat
BLANSHE(loud)
Am I loud?
Beat
BLACULA
No…
Beat
BLACKENSTEIN
Well you are a banshee… you do scream in grief every night…. It’s hard for me to sleep sometimes….. Because of how loud you are.
BLANSHE
I cried for months for the murder and slaughter of innocent black lives like Emmett Till, (to audience) yeah Google that shit, it was bad.
BLACKENSTEIN
(to audience) Or watch his new movie, coming to Theaters this October.
BLIGOR
Last letter… Dear Frankenstein… you black mandigo meat freak. How is such a big boy like you not found a woman like me? You need a sugar mother? Because I can afford a man like you around my house. I’ve got so many chores for you. Sex chores… love, Kris J.
Beat
Beat
BLACKENSTEIN
Blackenstein do not know how to respond to this one.
Beat
BLACULA
Oohh. uhh.. Are you doing ok, buddy?
BLACKENSTEIN
Blackenstein feels too self conscious about his body to show face again…
BLACKENSTEIN starts to slowly
exit stage.
Beat
Beat
Beat
BLACULA
Ok so… why didn’t I get that letter.
BLACKOUT
Emmett Till Date
EMMETT TILL DATE!
MICHAEL
DONNA
MICHAEL
Hey Donna, can I talk to you for a second?
DONNA
Yeah Michael
MICHAEL
I was wondering if you were free on Friday to like- watch a movie or something.
DONNA
Like on a date?
MICHAEL
Yeah.. something like that.
DONNA
Awe, Michael, of course! But on one condition, I pick the movie.
MICHAEL
Fine, Sure I can watch the notebook or-
DONNA
Let’s watch Emmett Till! (to audience)In theaters coming this October!
MICHAEL
You want to watch Emmett Till? In theaters? this October? You know there’s other horror movies happening that aren’t downright depressing.
DONNA
We mustn’t forget Emmett Till’s story, Michael.
MICHAEL
I get that we shouldn’t forget. But I’d rather watch.. I don’t know… anything else on a date… Minions the Rise of Gru?
DONNA
Michael you know nothing of romance.
MICHAEL
You don’t either if you want to watch Emmett Till. why don’t we cuddle and watch 12 years a slave right after? And then we can make out with the Green Mile on.
DONNA
The Green Mile isn’t a real story. That was written by a white man.
MICHAEL
That’s not the point. They’re all sad movies about black people. I can’t woo you when there’s Viola Davis’ snot crying on the screen.
DONNA
If I can’t sit down and bond over trauma with you, then I don’t want you!
Beat
Beat
Beat
MICHAEL
What?!!!!
DONNA(SHOUTING)
I JUST WANT TO SEE A MAN CRY!!!
MICHAEL(SHOUTING)
THEN LET’S JUST WATCH THE NOTEBOOK!
DONNA(SHOUTING)
THE NOTEBOOK IS FOR WHITE PEOPLE!!!
MICHAEL(SHOUTING)
THE NOTEBOOK IS FOR EVERY PEOPLE!!!!
DONNA(SHOUTING)
COME ON!!! IT’S ONLY SHOWING IN THEATERS!!!
MICHAEL(SHOUTING)
EMMETT TILL IS ONLY SHOWING IN THEATERS??
DONNA(SHOUTING)
SELECT THEATERS!!!!
MICHAEL(SHOUTING)
WHAT!!! HOW ARE PEOPLE, THAT ARE NOT ME, GOING TO KNOW ABOUT (TO AUDIENCES) EMMETT TILL!!! IF THE MOVIE IS BADLY MARKETED AND DISTRIBUTED??
DONNA(SHOUTING)
SEE!!! NOW YOU GET IT! WE GOTTA GO!
MICHAEL(SHOUTING)
WAIT! I HAVE A SOLUTION! WHAT IF WE WATCHED THE SKETCH SHOW LOOK SHAWTY, A GHOST! (TO AUDIENCE) IN THEATER SCHOOLS NEAR YOU! I HEAR THEY TALK ABOUT EMMETT TILL!!!
DONNA(SHOUTING)
THAT WAY WE CAN REMEMBER EMMETT TILL!!
MICHAEL(SHOUTING)
WITHOUT SITTING THROUGH A 3 HOUR TRAUMA PORN OSCAR-BAIT MOVIE!
DONNA(SHOUTING)
THEN IT’S A DATE THEN!
MICHAEL (SHOUTING)
YES A DATE!
BOTH (SHOUTING)
A DAAAATTTTTEEEEEE!!!!!!!
BEAT
MICHAEL
Ok, well see you Friday!(to audience) Room 408!
DONNA AND MICHAEL both exit
BLACKOUT
